


First and Last

by Davechicken



Series: Kylux - Fluff & Angst [181]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Just remember the Force exists, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 19:02:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9916634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: The first kiss... and the last.





	

They know it’s their first kiss when they finally work around to doing it. Months of posturing, with Kylo sure he’s trying to cow the man into submission, and Hux sure he’s trying to do the same… until the mask comes off, and for the first time they _see_ one another’s eyes, and everything changes (and nothing does).

Of course, they don’t kiss that night, or the next. 

For capable, self-assured soldiers, they’re slow to make a battle plan for that. It’s more months that pass before the fear of losing something that never began makes them reach for one another at the same moment. Hands grabbing clothing, words surging and unspoken. 

It could fail miserably. It could make life intolerable.

It’s impossible to resist, even so.

Their first kiss is memorable only for the emotion, not for the technique. They’re no good at it, really, until quite some way down the line. Banging noses, turning at the wrong moment, and a tongue that enters too fast.

But the first one, that one’s sweet and not sloppy. It’s a furthering of their conversation, and an arrangement they haven’t fully negotiated. Fear, and having something to _lose_.

So it’s memorable, alright.

After that, each other kiss is undercut by the first: will it be the last? Will this be when they part ways? Will they fight irreconcilably? Will one of them be blown up? Shot? Cut clean in two? Will they be split up by the enemy? Will they even know what happened to one another?

So morning kisses are ‘hello, good morning, please don’t die today’. Pecks on the cheek are ‘here’s a protective spell to keep you safe, come home’. Sliding tongues as their bodies lock and roll are ‘you’re more to me than the pleasure your body gives me, but please don’t stop, and also don’t die’. 

There’s no way to count how many they’ve swapped, and each one becomes progressively more likely to be the last. Hands holding for longer, breath caught and held captive. _Don’t go_. 

When the time comes, they do know it’s going to be the last one. It makes a certain sense, and they can’t really complain too much at what life gave them. Years and years together, and their worn hands only hold weakly. 

Kylo turns his head, his nose pushing at the faded hair. The passion-fire is gone, but the affection couldn’t possibly fade with age. Hux is fighting the inevitable, stubborn to the end.

“It’s okay,” Kylo reassures him. “The Force will take care of you.”  


“I don’t want the Force,” his lover grumbles.   


“I know.”  


Up, across his wrinkled brow. A kiss to the forehead, and he feels him going; slow, slower, slowest. 

“I love you,” he says, as he feels Hux turn to him one last time, and then go.  


Kylo waits until he’s sure he can feel him in the Force, and he lets himself be tugged along by the hand. There’s nothing left in the bed with what once was Hux, but that’s okay. Hux isn’t there, either; he’s with his Knight, and always will be.

They don’t need to kiss in the Force, but they damn well try all the same.


End file.
